5 Places In Singapore To Not Have Sex In

We at TOWNS are definitely gonna get laid during V-Day today. It's in our nature. You may think we're players, but we just get so damn much female attention we can't help it. So here's an entry for my fellows here.

Let's face it, public sex is a very exciting affair. The whole thrill of possibly getting caught, of doing something so unconventional and in the opposite stream of our Singaporean, Asian values makes it infinitely more exciting than Newater. If you disagree, then, well, you talk to your parents too much.

However, there are places, publicly exciting or not, which I do not recommend having public sex in. And they are...

Parliament House



Whoever it was who outlawed oral sex will probably be in there somewhere. I think he and his associates seeing you go at it will upset them very much. It probably won't upset the guards and the police, but they have to follow orders.

In The Middle Of The PIE



A van hitting you and your lover at full speed mid-coitus is not exactly sexy.

Neighbourhood Police Post



If there's a mat manning the police post that day, count yourself lucky. Or unlucky if he wants to join in. If not, then be prepared to land your ass in jail.

NTUC, Fresh Foods section



Let's not leave your fluids on stuff people are gonna feed their families with shall we. Plus, the air-con in NTUC tends to be very cold. Not good to bare too much flesh in here.

G-Max Reverse Bungy



Defying the laws of Physics and Singapore might seem so very tempting to you. And hey you have a good excuse to scream and groan. BUT I must tell you that you can't defy the laws of biology and you will PUKE if you attempt to somehow fuck in that ball. Not sexy.