Happy Birthday Zat. May you get a satay next year!

Zat's 8 Highlights of 08!

As another year is about to draw to a close, it is probably about time to take a trip down memory lane. With all the happenings and what nots(and us being happening people), I'll hence take the arduous task of picking the moments that has defined my year. So in no particular order, these are my 8 Highlights of 08!

Mercun, but not really
The year kicked off to a good start with me securing a part time tutor job at Mercu Woodlands. While all that I was looking for was a steady flow of income, the emotional attachment that I developed with the students came as a pleasant surprise. Good money but even greater satisfaction.

Kilo Lima

And of course who can forget Kita Lepak di Kuala Lumpur 08. Hotel settle, Yellowline, authentic Ramly burger, virgin trip to the Zoo, Nas taking out his switchblade.... it all happened here in KL. Actually not really, but the company was first class. Amasham aku members.

Game Set Match

Joining the SIM tennis team has to be the single reason for upping my school life one notch. I always wanted to be part of competitive tennis again and playing in Sunig this year has fulfilled that dream. Plus, it's always nice making new friends that share a similar interest uhuh uhuh.

4 eyed no more
I would have to rank this as one of my biggest accomplishments in my life. The idea of putting plastic in my eyes has never appealed to me especially with all the nasty stories that I've heard. I'm glad I did it nevertheless. Looking at hellos never felt better.

Shut up i can drive
Well it had to come and thankfully for me, it did sooner than later. In all honesty, I never expected myself to pass on the first attempt but I'm not complaining. More importantly, it dispels the long-standing myth that SJIM cannot drive. This has further led to the drivers-only faction within the group called the 16 Intervention. Baik Nas.

Man, U are good

Winning the Premier League last year was great, but to successfully defend the title again this year was unbelievable. Adding to that is the small matter of winning the Champions League in a pulsating penalty shootout. Ooooooooo the euphoria.

Run baby run

I don't know what but there's just something about completing a marathon. It's starting to feel like I have an obligation to run each year because as painful as it is, the feeling is addictive. Coupled with the fact that I bettered my time this year, it really makes me wonder how much faster I can go if I do train.

Gym kapa?
Ok this is still an ongoing thing but I really like this gym regime Nas and I have started. It's healthy, productive and it makes me feel good everytime. Not that I am obsessed with achieving the perfect body, but it is certainly harmless in trying to get into a better shape. The difference, only our satays can tell.

Guess Who

We are nearing the end of the year and as I reminisce about the good times we had, what with the KL trip, our regular soccer sessions and Dramatic Decemeber 08! activities, I can't help but recall the many merepek things you guys have said.

So I've decided to list down what I think are the lines which have been said in 2008, lines when mentioned, your face is the first one that comes into mind. I sure it might be very hard for you to identify the person, but just in case you really don't know who, I've added hints.

So, Guess Who!

"Kau rang aku kuat suspek".
Hint: He always steps busy and sleeps early. Also likes to hang out at Marina Square, IMM and Velocity.

"Eh gang, I need to find a money changer ah"
Hint: Nobody understands what he says half the time. The other half, nobody listens to what he says. A very fast person.

"Bowling ke per"
Hint: He thinks he is a good striker when he definitely is not. Luckily he is a fantastic goalkeeper. Does not really like going to Mustafa nowadays.

"Nak aku go ke per? Nak tak? Nak tak? Nak tak? Ah dah lambat."
Hint: He is a 2nd lieutenant in the Commandos unit, went to KL to buy garam and was a prominet figure in the NDP.

"Tahu takpe, tempeh taknak, kuah lebih, nasi tambah"
Hint: A playa who likes to step he plays volleyball. Avid Dota player. I love being in his car.

"Kisurat. Ok ah"
Hint: He recently bought 9 pieces of undergarments, completed a marathon and is on the verge of getting a tennis satay. Another big Dota fan.

"Maner hello? Tello nak hidup!"
Hint: He recently started training for a marathon and bought a head dress to cover his Ronaldo like hair. Not on a verge of getting any kind of satay.

"Isap bodoh"
Hint: He thinks he looks cool with his cap. A damn irritating street soccer striker.

If Michael Jackson was Indian

Like Nas said, MJ is like one of the coolest dancers ever to walk this moon. They say that its a real compliment to have somoene to do an impression of you, and I'm sure you can find hundreds of vids of people trying to dance like MJ. So instead of showing you a 'normal' MJ kinda vid, I posted one with a slight difference. Watch and see for yourself. Enjoy!

HIStory - Past, Present & Future

Since Mus have requested to have a Michael Jackson playlist, I'm gonna post a short writeup or preview or whateva u call it ah, on the abovementioned name. Frankly, I dun give a flying rat's ass bout his gay-paedophilic issues, even if they really exist, god knows. I don't get why they can't just cut him some slack. Probably the people are just not happy that he turned himself white. Some say he had to turn white coz of some skin disease, some say for other reasons, I've no idea la. Ironically, one of his hits has "it doesn't matter if you're black or white". Probably this is like Suff's swearing off nightlife. Surely, one thing that you can't take away from him (MJ, not Suff), is his dancing skills. Probably not as smooth as Mus's or as zapin as mine, but when he hits the stage, I swear girls faint. There were 2 concerts that I've ever went to - Search and Michael Jackson. I can't really remember both coz I was still damn small, not that I'm any much bigger now. However, now with youtube, you can just see how fucking awesome he can dance ah. Here are 2 of his dancing clips which I think are damn baik gils. Enjoy guys! I'm gonna go walk on the moon.

the ball is still rolling

On a side note, HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY TOWNS

It has been officially a year since the first entry was written and the mere fact that this blog is still in existence is an achievement on its own. It is safe to say we have surprised ourselves.

Here is to more entries and at least one satay ahead!

New driver in town

Amasham guys, now TOWNS has another driver. I know some of you will be shocked, coz not everyone knew that I was taking driving lessons. And guess what la, I got the route with the post office, the one with the slopes all, thx man. When in the circuit, my left leg was already quite shaky during the parking all, I decided to just use my ankle. But overall, the tester said "not bad", so ok la. So, who's free to follow me down to Redhill on Friday? Mahu beli kereta ke pe.

drama at Ubin

the ones with no satays

Aidil, 6 year old hardcore fan

Although Singapore lost, my spirits were lifted by a certain fan. Even as the game was winding down, he spurred the Singapore fans on, his crazed spirit and obscure rants making us forget about the match for a moment, scratching our heads at what he just said. His name, Aidil, a 6 year old hardcore Singapore fan.


These are the top 3 lines which inspired, or rather confused, me and the people around me the most for the night:

3) "If Singapore doesn't lose, then Vietnam will win"

2) I'd rather go to Johor then watch this......."

1) "Referee please give Singapore a chance. Extra time 2000 minutes!"

He said some other stuff which for political reasons and for my safety, I shan't post on TOWNS. If you want to know more, you can ask Abang Cool Aizat, Abang Gangster Purple Nas, Abang Mabuk Mus or his real abang, Abang Gila Suff.

A summary of the night.

Today, after a long while, I finally got a satay.

Actually I had twelve satays.

But in the end I have none.

Life, is like going to Lau Pa Sat.

You travel far to find satays, get satays, but in the end, you'll end up with your friends.

Sometimes it'll mean being a little keam chong when things don't go your way.

A little bit of jao ji bai goes a long way, but when it ends up in a bo bian situation, you'll have to do the things you don't like; thankfully with your friends.

Because the most important thing, is not being alone with a transsexual.

Can you imagine being chased? Or being cornered?

Ask Nazir, he can tell you all the way from Orchard to Yishun.

In detail.

Life is like going to Lau Pa Sat.

You can have all the satays you want.

Have them with a dash of friends.

Or the tranny might get to you.

Go shawty, it's your birthday

Dear Nas,

Since a picture of you only speaks 17 words, I’ll have to type out the rest. On this special day, I wish you a very Happy 22nd Birthday. Just remember that this number doesn’t count for much, Suff is actually 2.2 this year. I wish for you a number of things . I wish you get your desired body, together with your reliable gym partner. I wish you find the strength to start doing the things that you say, i.e. spitting, running a marathon. Lastly, I wish you find a satay but more importantly, I wish that satay finds me(no la, no more tokens right). But seriouslyyyy, I wish you all the best in whatever you do.

Brotherly love always,
Abang Handsome

Beanie Man

I wish I had a better picture of him but this is as good as it gets. Haha. Happy Birthday Nas!

How to run a marathon (or not)

If you are like me and have nothing better to do than to wake up at an unearthly hour to run the longest race in your life, then here are some tips and pointers that can do you good.

Point #1 : Train, like duh.

And I don’t mean the transport. Don’t try to be a hero like me. Running 10km once weeks before the run is not exactly ideal preparation. But if you’re already into the final week and find yourself short of running mileage, forget it. It’s too late, so prepare yourself in other ways. But if you're Nas and you need a year to train, then you better get started now.

Point #2 : Drink up!

Without trying to sound like a SAF Commander, a good hydration plan goes a long way. The day before the race is especially critical. Always have a bottle in hand and drink till your bladder burst. Seriously. No, SERIOUSLY. I drank so much during the race that I had to pee midway. That itself is incredible given the amount of water I lost through sweating. Whatever it is, peeing is way better than having to shit your pants out in the middle of East Coast. Someone that I knew did that. Aku kuat suspect you all know who he is.

Point #3 : You'll never run alone

Find a friend or two that have preferably trained to run with and you'll find yourself constantly pushing yourself. Running with Jon and Darryl not only meant that I was running at a decent pace, it also served as a motivation to not fall behind the both of them. I know, ego sial. And if ever you start doubting yourself during the race, that's what your running buddies are for.

Point #4 : Do not be deceived

This year's marathon attracted a record 50,000 runners and with that many people, you are sure to see thousands of bobbing heads in front of you. That does not mean you're slow though. It can be very tempting to try and overtake everyone in your way ,especially in the first few kilometres when you still have bundles of energy. So always stick to your pace and like the slogan says, "Run your own race". It cannot get any truer than that.

Point #5 : Glass is half full

A marathon is very much a mental race as it is a physical one. And when your body starts to fail you, it is your mind that will pull you through. So always encourage yourself and think positive thoughts. Think food, think hellos, think Nas joget zapin. My personal mantra is with every passing step, I can only get closer to the finish line. Amasham.

Point #6 : Think before you run

This is pretty much a no brainer. Us lazy bums are usually without the necesary training, so it'll be wise to adopt a running strategy. The Run-Walk strategy is preferable and you don't actually have much of a choice. After running yourself to the ground usually around the 20++km mark, it is more strategic to walk fast rather than try to start running again. The cramps won't go away, so just dig deep and open up your strides.

Point #7 : Savour your Olympic moment

You see the finish line and hordes of supporters are cheering for you as you drag yourself for the final few metres. This is YOUR moment, embrace it. As the cameras flash, muka maintain and end your race with a glorious pose. Pat yourself on the back, you've done it!

Zack And Miri Make A Porno

KEVIN SMITH IS FUCKING AWESOME. My favourite director/producer/writer continues his awesome work (okay minus Jersey Girl and Mallrats) with his latest production, Zack And Miri Make A Porno. It had all the hallmarks of a Kevin Smith masterpiece - snappy, pop culture-referring, witty dialogue, fucking brilliant soundtrack and an off-beat modern plot interwoven with an unconventional love story.

The story's about purely-platonic roommates Zack (Seth Rogen from Superbad and Knocked Up) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks from The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Spiderman II and III) who suffer from financial difficulty and decide to make a porno to pay their bills. In the course of doing so, they fall in love; and with the help of their friends and cast, they make the movie a fucking (pun intended) success.

Here are two scenes that perfectly capture the essence of the film:

This is Miri trying to hit on Bobby Long, her high school crush at a high school reunion. But Miri was in for a very big surprise. This entire scene is so very Kevin Smith.



Okay this next scene is when Zack and Miri are about to have sex for the first time, in their porn movie Swallow My Cockuccino (yes it's coffeehouse-themed porn). By then, both of them have realised their feelings for the other, but have yet to express it. Okay it starts off DAMN retarded but when they get down to it, it's actually romantic. And Kevin used a damn nice song (Hold Me Up by Live) for this scene.



Tell you what guys. Nothing beats watching the whole thing in a cinema or on DVD. Trust me. One of Kevin Smith's awesomest.

Satays? Chili ah.

Lemme tell you about this thing I just got.

I'd imagine it to be... Just like having a hello satay.

You'll feel the butterflies coming in your tummy, but you'll act all cool and nonchalant at first.

After a while though, you can't resist...

Like being in love, you'll close your eyes involuntarily.

Blood will rush through your head as the feeling sets in, and you'll smile.

Cause the feeeeelin'...

As it caresses your lips and fondles your tongue, it'll burn.

And burn some more.

Then you'll realize sommat's wrong; you know it's not right, you need to get out but you can't

The feeling stays with you without mercy, hurting. BAD.

And there's absolutely nothing, you can do.

You sweat, your nose drip, your scalp itches, your throat cries for clemency, your heart pounds like a demon, your chest hyperventilates, even your ears hurt...

And just like a satay that's too hello for you, it'll leave you in tears.

Chili so g**damn shitpiss m******fucking kisurat¹⁷ hot, you'll only need 2 drops. Seriously. No, seriously.

Mau ke pe?

Don't Think Of Satays Until You've Brushed Your Teeth

Okay in response to the previous post, I have to say that even if we are seen as satayly-challenged gentlemen, the bottom line is to be ourselves and not try to be someone we're not. Play to our strengths, guys. Don't sell your soul for a bunch of satays.

And what is one of our biggest strengths? Our very nice smiles! And how do we maintain our bright white smiles? By brushing our teeth with Darlie of course!

Hahaha here are some stills from my Darlie photoshoot yesterday. (The ones I can put up, of course)





HAHAHAHA this is me celebrating cos I got free toothbrush and toothpaste. WOOT WOOT yo.



This is my "Hmm am I supposed to go to Paradiz or Paradigm?" look, plus a toothbrush in my mouth.

And since I couldn't decide which it was, I sat down and brushed my teeth la. Typical of me.





Then I wondered what it'll be like if I were to brush my teeth underwater.







But I decided against it, so I went into some jungle with a stream running through it and continued brushing my teeth.

















Darlie: When You Want To Get A Satay. And no, that's not the real tagline.

definitely food for thought

Ok i was talking to my cousin on MSN when this came out of the blue. Unprompted.


farah! says: this is very anticlimax butt
farah! says: i really really think sji guys are gentlemen
farah! says: like seriously. compared to the other boys sch
farah! says: they're like Mr Nice Guys and apparently Mr Nice Guys dont get the girls..
farah! says: they're most of the times girls' guy besties..
farah! says: so maybe thats why you and sji mat friends are still single haha
farah! says: food for thought

Given that her benchmark for SJI guys are me and her school friends, I don't know how much truth the above statements hold. Haha insult? Or compliment?

Another reason to stop being nice and start being bad boys.

Play that dick song,bitch!

Liverpool 0 West Ham 0

Why am I not surprised about the scoreline. The game was almost as boring as Mus at Rai's birthday, so close. No clear cut chances. Chelsea lost and Liverpool managed to get only 1 point from West Ham.
1st mistake of the game - Benayoun. What was Rafa thinking? I know, you all will say he's good and all. But seriously, SERIOUSLY, NO. He was supposed to be playing on the right, but keeps getting lost in the middle ah, nak step striker. Kuyt and Keane were the strikers (even though they did nth) so just let them play as strikers and you fucking stay on the right.
2nd mistake - Dossena. Like I said last time, even Nazir is better than Dossena. No, I wasn't joking. I rather Carragher play on the left then let Agger and Hyypia be in the middle. Before this morning, there were 2 games that Dossena started in, both of which Liverpool didn't win. Now, it's 3, woohoo!
3rd mistake - Babel is good, but he's not getting the chances. Sometimes I really don't get Benitez ah. Babel should've came in for Riera earlier ah. Riera's not playing his cool-flowing style ah, what happened man.
4th mistake - Choosing Benayoun over Mascherano. Rafa should've played Gerrard as 2nd striker la. Kuyt on the right and Mascherano in the middle. 4-4-1-1. Benayoun didn't contribute anything anyway.
5th to 17th mistake - Benayoun. 'Nuff said.

What, you all think I'm such a lousy fan right. K la, I'm actually delighted coz Liverpool is at the top of the table, leading the 2nd-placed team by.. HOLD-THE-PHONE.. 1 point! Omg! NOW I think Liverpool can win the title. In fact, what is the FA waiting for? Give them the trophy now ah, they're top of the table with 1 point clear.

If I were a Director

Check out the endings to these videos. Thats how movies should be.