Zat is (yawns) finally 21

Since I’m the only other December baby, and the only one that’s as efficient as Zat (high 5), I’m wishing Aizat Amali a Happy 21st Birthday. Happy birthday Zat, you’re finally 21, so start acting like Suff. May you succeed in getting a satay while you’re still 21. Semoga dimurahkan rezeki dan dipanjangkan umur. If any of you don’t understand that, you can ask Nazir to translate for you.

In which better way to celebrate his 21st other than to have his face published in the newspapers. People, if you can’t find it on H14 of the Straits Times, then it’s on page 9 of Berita Harian (muka jangan step hensem ah Zat). Anyway, the article was about the resolutions of a few Malay youths. I bet Zat’s real one was to get a satay ah, not "to be more disciplined and managing my time well".

See normally Zat won’t be free on his birthday coz he always celebrate it with his nenek whose birthday is just one day apart. So finally, he’s gonna have dinner with us today. I tell you 2007 is a great year. He’s actually celebrating his birthday with us and his house barrier can also be deactivated. So later, we’re gonna makan hidang at Sakura Far East. Since it’s your birthday Zat, I’ll buy you a $10 beansprout soup ah. If you can’t finish it, we’ll share.

Gael Clichy but true.

This an emotionally driven entry. What you will read may not sound like a work from me. But it's still me. Only on the other side.

Just now, as Nas was getting thrown by Muthu and as Nazir was getting his legs tangled up again on the Telok Belangah court, I was at my cousin's place at Bangkit just a few traffic lights away. It was her Engagement Day and traditionally, my family was in full strength for this one. Everything was executed perfectly, everybody was happy, everything was fine and dandy. Then after everything was done and dusted, everybody gathered back upstairs.

30th Dec 07 was coincidentally a very special date for 3 reasons. The first is already mentioned above. The second is that it is 2 days before my nenek’s 80th birthday. Yes 80th. And last and in this case certainly the least is that it is a day before my 21st birthday.
So traditionally (once again), my uncle or more specifically, Didil’s Dad being the head of the family encouraged us to stand up (literally) and speak up. So when asked whether anyone had anything to wish or say to my nenek, I certainly did not want to let that chance go begging. I love her, just like all her other cucus do and it would almost be hypocritical of me to stay true to those words but yet keep silent. So I stood up and I can sense they were expecting something stupid to come out of my mouth. Biasa la kan aku. People think I’m capable of only spouting nonsense and they are half true but that’s not the point here. I stood and I looked across the hall at my nenek. There and then, I froze and teared. There, across the hall, is the same woman who have seen me grown up from a 3.96kg cutie to a 66kg cute-mutie and have never once stopped short of giving me or any of her children and grandchildren for that matter undying love and relentless support. That is the kind of person that she is and that is the kind of person that she always will be. I continued standing and wept to the thought of what my life would be like without her. That thought certainly destroyed me and although I was speechless, I could see that she knew immediately how I felt about her. I may have not said a word but my tears have said much more.

My point is guys, how many times have we taken our loved ones for granted? How many times have we tried to say what we feel about them? How hard is it for us to even say anything? It may not mean much to you, but it may mean the world to them. Just try it. Try it and if your heart is still as hard as stone after that, then maybe I’m just being too melodramatic here.

This is as cliché as it can get but I’m really thankful that I have such a big and loving family. I love the whole family atmosphere and I just don’t want to wait for my next birthday to remind me of what I already have.

I am not ashamed to display my vulnerable moments here. I am not afraid of being judged. I just don’t want us to make that same mistake of overlooking the people that we return to everyday.

Mr Opus

Back in 2003, right after O'levels, most of us were posted to a JC for the first 3 months. In my case, I spent my first 3 months in NJC (No Junior College). I didn't have hot IJ girls to look at or classes to skip. Instead, I had a bed which kept me company for 14 hours. When I was actually awake, I would spend my time trying to avoid my friend Mus, who luck would have it, was also posted to NJC. It was not an easy task mind you, but i somehow managed. Before any of you start thinking this is an entry about my sad pathetic life (those entries are for another time), I wanna talk about a companion I had for those 3 months. Late at night I would recall the day's episode of My Genie. The wonderfully scripted story about a Genie, potrayed by the equally talented Fiona Xie (I knew she was a superb actress way back then), was so compelling that I could not sleep. I was like a druggie, waiting anxiously for my next dose of that unique accented voice going, "Oh Nazir, I want you".

Anywayssss, during those long moments at night, I did not know what to do with myself. I was really and truly bored. However, one day while i was surfing the net, i chanced upon a site. It was truly orgasmic! I was fleeting with near ecstacy. I was having an explosion in my, in my, im my, well ok, in my mind. For the next 2 and a half months, Jokes.com was like my friend, my main hang out buddy, my mentor, telling me all the jokes I could ever imagine and most importantly, my saviour, the one who stayed with me during those difficult nights.

Well before i digress further, this was a story which I found really interesting. Introducing Mr Opus:

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS president Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:
On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.

He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended" is still defined as committing suicide. Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below at street level, but his suicide attempt probably would not have been successful because of the safety net. This caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.

The room on the ninth floor from whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously, and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was his long standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident, that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.
The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was in fact Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over both the loss of his financial support and the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth-story window. The son had actually murdered himself, so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

Promotional Material 1

I Am Ripped Off Of My $9.50

If you like to watch deers, lions, butterfly, Sam the dog, Sam Allarydyce, Sami Lee, Sam Dallabona, Sam Witwicky, Samantha and Will Smith talking to mannequins, then I AM LEGEND is probably the show for you.

If not, hubungilah talian 1633 and subscribe to Starhub's Animal Planet. It's about the same but with more animals.

Suff's Top 7 of 2007

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

07's Top 7

Another year is about to end which means another year without a satay which also means another year putting up with Nas incessant longing for a satay. At the rate we are going, we may be very well reading this very same phrase in the next end of year entry. Not that the blog will last for a year but that’s another story altogether.

I’ve put up my Top 7 Highlights of 07. Emjoy!

1. Goodbye Tekong

After spending nearly a year in the sunny paradise of Pulau Tekong, 6 Feb could not have come sooner for me. As you all already know, Tekong is a Badang's stone throw away from my house and I thoroughly enjoy making frequent visits there. In addition to that, it is highly accessible and I can consperm make my way there on foot without being drenched and dead. In all seriousness though, I enjoyed the responsibilities that were given and the companionship that was forged with my fellow commanders. It will be difficult to forget Tekong for several reasons, in particularly a non-military one which Suff had the pleasure of hearing me weep. But nasi dah menjadi bubur aside, I got my pink IC and that’s all that mattered.

2. Good morning Mr Aizat!

I actually started my ubat berta process earlier than expected and managed to find a job .The manner in how I got it was rather fortuitous but as the old Malay saying go, rezeki jangan ditolak, Mus jangan dicari. Following Nazir’s footsteps, I took up a relief teaching job at Greenridge Seconday School. It was there where I had newfound respect for teachers, it was there where I probably received the most female attention I will ever get in my entire lifetime and it was also there where I discovered my pet peeve (Kesian Peeve hilang).The students there are basically a bunch of Zals trying to Mr Socko one another and it really pisses the surat out of me when they talk back. Manakala, the real satisfaction in the job was being in a position to make a positive influence in their lives and the students turned out to be the real teachers in the end.

3. Home New Home


Before I start writing on this, I would like to say that contrary to popular belief, I do have a house and I was not living on the streets. The renovation effectively started in June and it took a good 4 months for everything to be settled. The barriers are now deadlier than before so you guys just have to hisap and deal with it. The whole process was so tedious that I don’t even know where to begin. Plus I’m too lazy to begin it anyway. Manakala, I’m just glad it is all over but I’m even more glad that I have a love-making room all to myself.

4. Sunday League

This idea of playing in a weekly competitive league first came as a joke but well who’s laughing now? Certainly not East Horizons. Gone were the days of OWNINGGGGGGG the Pending court on a Sunday morning and rightly so. The thrill of getting together on a 11 a side pitch and playing soccer like we know it with 3 points in the balance certainly is second to none. We are now into our second season and will soon be knocking on S League’s doors come 2050.

5. Autobots, roll out!

Transformers definitely lived up to all its hype and was by a long mile, THE movie of the year. It was action packed right from the start and the graphics were so brilliant you wonder how Keluang Man even managed to make it on air. There were also no short of eye candies. I had Megan Fox while Suff had Megatron.

6. LP Concert


I went into this one with little expectations but came out of it having Linkin Park withdrawal symptoms for the next few days. The music was awesome and the energy was infectious. It may be my first rock concert but certainly not my last. Having seen myself letting my hair down yet still sobre, I definitely do not want to see myself drunk. And so do you.

7.Man United Champions 06/07

I’m putting this up because I know Nas will read this one.

Satay, Literally

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA GANG GUESS WHAT? I'm eating SATAY. So you know what they always say: When you have satay, blog about it.



I think this is the only time I've had 4 satays at one time. It's very nice chicken and beef ones from Johor. And when one eats satay, one is retarded if one does not CELUP.



The satay is really nice, but everybody knows you can't have satay just because it is nice. It has to have more than that. It's good satay, but it's not the best la. Nothing beats the East Coast one, I think.

Sorry I didn't go to your house today Nazir. Now you can really say aku buih kau untuk satay.

As eye-opening as looking at Hellos

Kudos to our 2 NUS kudas who have gotten their results back. Even though we already know what Wan got like last week or smth, but still, congrats. A GPA of 4.4 is really nothing much la, I also can get, just that I don't want to. To Faliq, try harder ah, I know you're aiming for 3, but it's not a bad thing that you got higher. Don't worry, we won't call you a nerd. Nazir is the nerd. Whatever it is, please don't go to your professor and ask why you didn't get an A or A+ for the matter. If I'm the professor, I'd say “kau hisap bodoh”.

You guys gotta think about all the modules-bidding shit right, good luck ah. I've no idea whatsoever regarding all that since I'm from NTU. I've already gotten my modules set for me, biasalahkan aku. The biggest problem is that, I finished my exams way earlier, but I haven't gotten my results yet, baik ah NTU.

Now, for my results that i'm gonna get tomorrow. I've a feeling that I'm gonna get a GPA of 3.6 ah, I don't know why. I hope I get at least that, but knowing my luck, besok ah. Just like how the 190 that I'm taking from town will always be packed. And how when I'm gonna start to queue, a line of people apparate in front of me. Not forgetting how when I enter a shop, the invisible customers all lost their powers. In the words of the NUSMS guy who I played soccer with, “Takpe, ni semua takdir.” In the West Germanic language, or the first language of over 309 million people, “Never mind, this is all fate.” In the words of the guy that wears Aizat's shoes, “Tulis pe”. In the words of the man that shows Suff's dick to everyone else, “Intip ah!”.

So tomorrow you all will know my results ah. Then you all will know if I deserve to be called a nerd or not.

The entry with no title

After reading out first 3 entries (woohoo, we actually started writing), I decided to add my 17 cents worth.

What's the purpose of a blog? To write. That's easy. But what do we write about? Ah, good question.

Do we write about our feelings, share our innermost thoughts or have discussions here? If that were the case, Nas will start writing entries with titles like, "Should men learn how to cook?"

Do we post entries about the vacations we had and places we visited abroad? Well, that is a possibility if we can only decide where to go instead of arguing and if everyone's passport has been updated. Like how difficult can that be right, making sure you're passport has not expired like 2 years ago. But even if everyone's passport is in order, a very messy room can wreck our plans.

Do we take quizzes and show everyone what the results are? Like, which Sailormoon girl am I or which Pokemon do I represent? I am all up for that if only I knew how to do it. I'm not down with the ;insert/pictures{computingisforidiots\results'charizard--{. I don't know how to post quiz results.

Or maybe, we should post entries about our satays, write about how we met them, how wonderful they are and how things are going along with them. And we can talk about the similarity between our satays: about their non-existence. (Hence the name of the blog, the one with no satay)

So what exactly can we write or blog about?

Well, Aizat and Nas can be our resident nutritionists and write about their love of taugehs, Suff can write about his passion for wearing socks and undergarments, Mus entries will be shopper's guide to the best bargains in town and which flea market to go to and Irwan will put up arguments and statistics to show why nobody should ever go bowling. And lastly, Faliq's entries are for readers who have insomnia. After reading the first line, you'll be snoozing away.

So thats it for me. I'm going for my morning jog and daily swim. Maybe later, I'll share my secret on how to be on time with an entry entitled " 10 tips on being punctual". If i really have the time, I'll also add 1 more, "How to not buih/pangseh your friends".

See ya.

... but the mud is gonna stop it

Firstly, i would like to apologise for the mistake that my friend Suff has made. Relax guys, it's not yet November 2008. 11months haven't passed. I dunno why he wrote an entry ah. Since he broke the flow, I'll just continue.

Secondly, Zat, kau hisap. I won't reply wif Hello la, I'll only respond to Hello. I am really not that boring what. I'm just as boring as ..., ok bye!

Makanlah Ini, Zat! (Eat This, Zat!)

Conveniently, Zat decided to write a pioneer entry about us. So I decide that I should return the favour and talk about Aizat.



This is Aizat. He is to Maths what Mariah Carey is to singing. He is also to soccer what Mariah Carey is to soccer. But good for him he has a fantastic sense of humour. Otherwise people will think he's the biggest long-haired loser outside of Hanson. I must acknowledge, though that he's majorly responsible for me getting home after school.

The ball is rolling

Ok Check 1,2.
Mouse Check
Keyboard Check
Screen Check.
Bong Bong Check. Check Check Bong Bong eh.


This, being our first entry or in this case MY first entry, will be straight and simple. No jokes. No exaggeration. No sarcasm. No nonsense. No lies. Just like us. UBIQUITOUS? Definitely.


And what better way to get the ball rolling by introducing to you the members of the blog.The same people who overcame obstacles after obstacles just to get this blog up and running. They rode the waves, they stumbled and fell but each time, they just got up stronger. In short, hisap. There were no obstacles whatever. Just plain laziness and procrastination, which is really unlike me. If not for the great deal of initiative that I'm taking (or more of terpaksa kena tulis), we would have taken 9 months to get our first entry out. Samad Jr would have been born, Officer Cadet Robert would have commissioned and our blog would have still be nondescript (C6 for GP, i know thanks.)


So brace yourselves and cover your eyes. These are the faces you would not want to see
everyday. It's too late for me but you can still save yourself.

This is Nazir. He was my classmate in SJI for 4years. He's tall,dark and thats about it. Probably the biggest conniver I've ever known but thats ok because he's Indian. I often meet him under his block just to tanya khabar.


This is Suff. He was my classmate in SAJC for 2 years. We almost made it 3 years. I would definitely have more coins if not for him. He may be 21, but mentally, he's still in his mother's womb. He plans to pursue a PHD in Malay but I suggest he takes Maths and major in X,Y coordinates instead.


This is Mus, He was NOT my classmate. Alhamdullilah.He gets out of everything; poly, BMT and ada chance, prison. He's a great artist but is the total opposite on the pitch. He scores goals with his ears, shoulders, elbows and hips.



This is Nas. He's probably the most boring person alive. So boring I would rather read my Misteri Kelip Lampu book all over again. He can only reply you with Hello and there's really no point talking to him. Ok, I want to continue with my book now.



This is Faliq. Another of my tall and dark only friends. I'm still traumatised by what I saw at the back of his head. He is the last person you want to talk to in the morning and being the morning person that I am, I reject his calls. His favourite show is High-5.



This is Irwan. He is very much like me. He is a tremendous goalkeeper and he definitely has a way with girls. The only difference is that I beat him in bowling.


So, this is us. No jokes. No exaggeration. No sarcasm. No nonsense. No lies.


Watch out for our next entry in 11 months' time!