Whoo! Alright Yeah Uh Huh. Yes that's the title of a song, by The Rapture.
"People don't dance no more
They just stand there like this:
They cross their arms and stare you down
And drink and moan and diss."
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Post-Punk Revival!
As baik as Al-Baik
Have you ever waited so long but only to be disappointed? Like how you waited for a simple Teh Tarik but only for it to come in the most diluted and bitter form half an hour later? Like how you stay up all night to watch your favourite team on TV but only to witness the drabbest and lifeless goalless match ever? Have you ever had that familiar feeling? If you have, you probably just experienced it after reading the 17th entry in this blog. If that entry had a hype like Transformer’s, it most certainly was as interesting as Happily Never After. I only have 4 words : Anti Climax.
This is definitely a belated entry no thanks to the bunch of 17th Convention Blog-hoggers. So what is a blog without entries? What is an entry without pictures? What are pictures without me in it? (Don’t answer that.) So for your viewing pleasure or not , here’s a little INKLING sial of how I spent my day during my cousin’s engagement.
So this was the setting for the day. Damn traditional. Damn conventional. Damn void deck, so damn Malay.
So being the industrious workaholic that I am, I am on to my first job. Padahal, I don’t know what I am wiping. Notice the eyes. I heard Nas say Hello and instinctively glanced to my right.
And before I could even spell ubiquitous, I was asked to make the drinks. The one on the left is Didil. Just like how we combined on the soccer pitch, we also combined for this one. Muka aku kena maintain aku tau. Gigi aku terkeluar aku tau. Aku handsome, aku tau.
Being the consummate professional, I had to give it a taste first before serving it to the guests. The one on the right is Natasha. Nas diam.
In memory of Nazir and Faliq lending their services in dish washing, I decided to give a washing hand.
These are just some of the gubahan or I-dont-know-what-you-call-it in English that was solely done by my mother. See that Escada perfume on the bottom right? I didn’t do that. See that Gillette Fusion in the middle? I also didn’t do that.
Amidst all the huru hara, I found time to have a photoshoot. I can promise you the baby will grow into a very handsome man. I know thanks.
Ok time for all of you to put away all your pedophilic thoughts. See that girl beside me. She has the curliest and loveliest hair ever. Her name is Farah Natasha. Coincidentally, the one in orange is Farah and the one in green is Natasha. I’m not making this up.
Then it was time for all the December babies to cut their cakes.
To all of those who are responsible for this , Nur Kamsiah Hamidah ( Thank you in Korean)Saturday, January 5, 2008
As Hisap Bodoh As 17
Siapa kata budak 17 tak menawan? A lot of people.
You know, everytime I read an entry by a member of the 17 Convention, I think of the movie 9:56. Why? Because they are so interesting and exciting that only 9:56 is more interesting and exciting than them. So what is it about the number 17 that makes it as non-boring as Bunshinsaba? I did some penetrative journalist work to find out.
I looked into classified Government files (disguised as a black man looking into the history of racism, dawg), interviewed a host of our nation's best analysts (like Sheikh Haikel, dawg) and conducted research in the Chao Yang Special School Library (where incidentally, I made my most progress in this snoop, dawg).
What I found was groundbreaking, window-shattering, and could get people killed. Much like Nazir and Nas' singing. Ladies and gentlemen, what you are about to read may change your lives. Get ready to find out the truth behind the 17 Convention.
17: Behind The Convention by Suffian Hakim
Here are the truths about the 17 Convention:
1) They claim that their fetish for the number 17 started because of their register number. They spend their entire lives obsessed over a number because it was their register number for a few years in secondary school and maybe primary school. That's like setting the world record for the most 'hello's said in a day but not actually saying it to a hello. So it can't possibly be just register numbers right? My research has shed more light on this: 17 is in fact the respective IQ of the individuals of the 17 Convention.
2) How was the number 17 derived? From 666, the number of evil, and 1, the position in class the 17 members never get for their studies. You see 6+6+6-1=17. So anybody from the 17 Convention is evil, and will never get number 1 for their studies. Beware, people.
3) The length of their penis is 1.7cm. The only woman they can pleasure with it is Tinkerbell.
4) 17 is also evil because the Devil in the Jamalian religion has 17 names: Jamal, The Intip, The Anti-Satay, The Non-Hello and He Who Is 10+5+2, among others.
5) The 17 Convention is derived from The 17 Coven, a truncated version of The 17 Convention. The 17 Coven are two witches named Niddursan and Rizan who met their untimely deaths when a termite infestation ate up their brooms in mid-air. They crashed into a hut in Afghanistan, inspiring the watching Osama Bin Laden to carry out the September 11 attacks.
I don't think you need any more proof people. The 17 Convention is evil and not dangerous. They endanger themselves mostly, but if you don't want to waste your time, stay clear of anybody who claims to like the number 17.
The One Where Everyone Is Waiting
Before I start, my deepest apologies to all the people out there who've been killing to read the most anticipated entry. Just look at the tagboard, those people can't wait. Nazir and I were planning to do a collabro ah (like Mike Shinoda and Xecutioners), but we had 2 choices; one of us bring laptop out or we both go out with Suff. But like the old saying goes “harapkan Nazir, Nazir makan satu jam”. So as the self-elected president of The 17 Convention, I shouldn't keep all the fans waiting.
I don't understand some people's ludicrous affinity with numbers ah. No, I really don't. Especially if the number is like 16 or 24, I mean, how do you get such an attraction to that? They don't look enticing at all ah. If you're talking about numbers like the sum of 12 and 5 (17) or the difference between 40 and 23 (17), that's reasonable.
Ok, back to serious stuff. In a kulit kacang (nutshell), The 17 Convention consists of me and Nazir, obviously, and about some 17000 people out there, but I don't think they know. We're the longest surviving group, besides Dumb & Dumber. Just imagine Suff and Mus working together...Hmm...you can't right? Well, that's that. One of them will say “Eh, i'm the '&', he's the Dumb Dumber”. The 17 Convention has gone through thick and thin, surpassing The 16 Committee or The 18 Company and also the K (Kental) Brothers. Let's see what one individual has to say about us.
Nas: Suff, what do you think about The 17 Convention?
Suff: Eh, what's 14 + 3? (short pause) 24. What's 402893+349839? (slightly longer pause) 24! Amasham!
You see why he's with Mus now, yeap.
Anyway we actually have an honorary member Aizat. He doesn't wanna say it. We know that deep inside he actually likes the number 17. He claims that he liked the number 17, because of Fandi and all. Stop Zat before he gets to the autograph part. You DON'T wanna hear more. Apparently he said he doesn't like 17 anymore, and he's putting the blame on us.
The reason we started this is because we both like 17 (eh really??!). Ah ya, so Nazir likes it because of the way he writes 7. Not this 7 but the one with the extra stroke below. I can't remember the other reasons why Nazir likes it ah anyway. Furthermore, both of us had register number 17 for a few years in SJI. I had more reason to like it when Gerrard wore Liverpool no.17. Try to recall, before it was passed on to the shoulders of Jenggo Josemi and Astonishing Arbeloa.
To all our other fans out there, please feel free to approach me or Nazir. You may think I look arrogant and unfriendly. Ya, you thought right. There's a reason why they call me gangsta. If any of you are dying to join or joining to die, just give a call to 1700-Convention. If you can't get through, try 999.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Boys Night In
Having been treated with a wonderful array of my favourite vegetable side dishes over my birthday dinner at Sakura Far East, what better way to welcome in the new year by spending a night over at Nazir’s place. A house I’m only too familiar with having spent countless times meeting under his block just to ask about his well-being. So as the world was counting down to a new year, we were very much still in our own world and berbual world. These are my first 8 lessons learnt in 2008.
1. I learnt that Nazir’s living room has enough chairs to accommodate for all of our satays combined and more. If you’re thinking 0 chairs, then you probably know us too well. Having said that, there was really more than enough furniture in Nazir’s house and aku suspect kuat dia provide chair service untuk pelbagai majlis.
2. I learnt that Alone, a Thai horror movie by the producers of Shutter, recruited some of our local talent for the film. I found out that Ahmad Stokin left Suria to act as a psychiatrist and there was also a cameo appearance by Chew Chor Meng. Not forgetting the stars of the show Pimp My Ride Season 5 and I wish I was emPLOYed.
3. I learnt that there is a fine line between seram and kelakar seram. And that line happens to be Alias Kadir.
4. I learnt that Nazir uses body soap to mop the floor and conversely, washing detergent to wash his body. Now that explains how he looks like.
5. I learnt that Leshrac is like Shrek but only less and Tiny is tinysssssssssssss. I’m also ready to embark on my first DOTA session and my trademark move is ‘to go mid’. MO MO MO MONN MONSTERRRR KILLLL.
6. I learnt that Faliq can be such a dengki kesumat kisurat. In a bid to prevent me from winning the inaugural Nazir Cup, he blatantly lets Suff scores the necessary goals so as to win me by goal difference. Match fixing dok. And I also learnt that as long as Nazir plays auto defence, he has a chance of not losing. Just ask Nas.
7. I learnt that Mus sleeps with his eyes semi-open and will unexpectedly respond while sleeping. Sibuk je. Dah tido buat hal tido je la. But we still prefer you when you’re asleep.
8. Last but not least, I learnt that the Buih List is a powerful management tool, at least for now. Everyone’s trying to avoid to be the first but once that happens, normal buih service will resume. Consperm. Watch this space.
Some Poetry
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the poetry of renowned Pokemon, Pikachu.
Pika pi? Pikachu pika pika pika pikaa chuu,
Pi pika pikachu; pika; pikachu!
Pika pika pikachu!
Pika pika pi pi pika pika chu.
Pika pika pika pikachu!
Pikachu pikapika;
Pika piiiii! Pikachu,
Piiiiiiii Pikachu.
Pikaaaa pika chu,
Pika Titus Bramble pikachu.
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